I'd love to call this the 26th chapter of my life but in all honesty, it feels like there are some past years that i never got to finish. This is a book that's going to be finalized with incomplete pages, chapters, phases, etc. I'm not sure if there's been as tumultuous and as mentally harboring a year that I've had in recent memory like this one has been. Battling inner addictions, bad habits, jail time, probation, my relationships with women/family/friends, being more open about my sexuality, therapy, quitting my job, relapsing, etc. There's a lot for me to say here. Not many people know about this either, but I think there's a number of things I'm still reeling from that happened years ago. Namely, one incident where this girl I thought I could trust that I'd known for years lying about being pregnant by me. A charade that went on for more than two months before clearer heads helped expose and resolve the whole situation. Trust issues from things like that really do fuck you up and change your perspective on life, love, reality, and plenty other aspects of your livelihood.
However..
Here I am. This is something different. Mending my relationships with my parents (even if they don't fully understand the man that I'm becoming), learning how to love myself along with all the things that I would constantly beat myself up over, showing more love to the people that matter and not trying to make things work with people that don't show reasons to have my love. There's a lot of me that I managed to lose while looking for what it is exactly I'm trying to get out of life. Lost my passion for writing, the optimistic perspective of life that I once had, lost my interest in wanting to live, etc.. Plenty of loss to go into. But that's not what this is about. This isn't to highlight my lows and dwell in them. This is to celebrate life. The fact that i'm still here. I'm breathing, progressing, and maintaining. 26 will be a year of emphasis on those three things. If you managed to read all this, i love you.
