checkered flags.

 the stance of being a black man (& openly bi one at that) is a convoluted one at that. but one thing i’ll never do is demean my own race for the sake of uplifting another, especially if i may be involved w a no black person. i see it a lot, especially within my own family, and more so with cousins and family around my age. the willful blindness to the black plight is one thing.. but it’s another thing whenever it’s being used to compare blackness to another race or culture with the statements coming out speaking negatively about that black person’s own color. black people that solely date outside their race or only talk to potential partners that aren’t black, something i’ll wholeheartedly never understand. and don’t let it be somebody that uses the old tired and tried trope about how black women are loud, obnoxious, mean for no reason, don’t support their man the way a white/latina/asian woman does, etc… the complete irony of it all is these the same black men that tweet/post the question about whether or not black women still like black men, or why black women date outside their race themselves. 

well i fuckin wonder why, Cletus. 

i personally don’t have any issue w a black person dating outside their race, but leave black women out of it. leave them out of the same sad ass rhetoric for your reasoning why you aren’t involved or don’t date them. “black women never liked me, idk why” could be cause you a goofy or you stink, or you just not poppin enough for em, it is what it is. 

and another thing…. STOP gettin involved w nonblack/white folks that really show their asses when it comes time to talk about race in any capacity. cause a lot of black men find themselves dating/marrying/having kids with these nonblack women that really don’t give a fuck about blackness or the safety of black people whatsoever. with all the police brutality and modern day lynchings of black people goin on all over the country, hell even the world tbh.. and your nonblack partner don’t feel no type of way about it nor do they have anything to say about it either... just so long as you can give em their prized mixed kids. which, in itself, is another subject to discuss but.. at the end of the day, date who you wanna date, marry who you wanna marry, whatever… just leave black women out of it. 

- DD3

foghorn. july 2021.

 

the rooster outside my window

doesn’t crow at the crack of dawn

a sun barely peeking 

over the horizon to greet the earth

a warm welcome to another 24 hours

that we’ve been bestowed to experience

and there’s no noise at 5 AM

alerting me that it’s alerting me

something is coming

something i may want to see

something to energize my spirit

nothing.

what could possibly bore him so much

that something as breathtaking as the sun

saying hello to the world 

for the first time that day

invokes no reaction from him

other roosters will make noise

greatly, proudly

not him.

not anymore.

a switch is no longer on for him

now that he can’t find beauty

in something that once gave him so much joy

it could be a reach

maybe he went blind

he could just be annoyed with the other roosters

so much that their noise

makes him see less of a need for his own

now the sun is up 

i’m up

and his face is the same

just to do it all again tomorrow

-DD3

the community pool.

 ever since i was a kid, i always wanted to have everything mapped out. my future, my career, etc etc.. I wanted it to go to plan all the way thru. of course, as you get older, you realize the fact that life doesn't obey rules or abide by whatever plans you've made for yourself. the problem is, i still feel like that kid in me that wants to plan everything out and hope it goes the way that i have it planned. and ironically enough, i saw a post a while ago that said whenever you're suicidal or whenever you plan on doing something to yourself, you plan up to that point of whenever you made that deadline for yourself. but when life happens and you live past that point or that age when you thought you wouldn't make it, that's when you basically improvise everything. and i feel i've been improvising shit since i graduated college. jobs, relationships, emotions, my inner peace, my sanity.. all of it. everything has been decided and done on a whim and half of a prayer. my impatience grows seemingly every day, and i hate building my hopes up for things even if it's the next day. when you're used to things falling through and not coming to fruition, you give up the hope that anticipation is worth it. i turn 28 next month and if you ask me how excited i am to turn 28, i'll probably just not give an answer. at least, not a full fledged honest one. because truthfully, as Jack Nicholson said in A Few Good Men: "you can't handle the truth". and i don't think a lot of people can. they may convince themselves of otherwise, but the truth is that the truth hurts. most of the time. and not being able to stomach it is just a part of human nature to a degree. and in my truth: i've been coasting thru life. no solid plan, my ambition feels dead to rights, and i don't see much of a future for myself. i live too much in the moment to worry about that kind of thing honestly. i feel like a lot of life lessons i had to learn on the fly.. and most of em that i feel i should know by now? i don't. i'm scared of the person that i COULD become for the wrong reasons. i'm anxious of the person that i COULD become for the right reasons simultaneously. if things end w somebody, i blame myself and go on about life because the world doesn't revolve around me and it'll continue to revolve whenever i'm dead. life doesn't owe anybody anything quite honestly, and i think i've reached the point where i feel like i'm diving off the deep end. not in a nosedive yet... but we're gettin' there it seems.

- DD3