idk how much longer i’ll be alive after i write this out. idk if i’m at my wits end or if i’m just trying to convince myself that i’ll make it to see whatever else in this life is worth seeing. because honestly there isn’t much here for me. i don’t feel there’s much here for me. whatsoever. the pleasantries in life i thought i knew are long gone. and i think over time whenever i would always tell myself i’ll live to x amount of years, it was just me trying to talk myself out of k*lling myself. but low and behold, here we are, barely a week after turning 28 and im back at square one. im not fit for this and im not worth the trouble. nobody will ever love somebody unconditionally. parents included. if you don’t fit their standards then you aren’t fit, period. and i’ve lived the last few years of my life as such. just doing what i want however i want to because this life is meaningless at the end of the day. there’s nobody that’s gonna make me feel like i can’t take my life. and there isn’t anything i can do in this world that makes me feel like there’s something to look forward to. all happiness fades at some point, smiles turn to frowns, eagerness becomes pessimism, and expectations become stonewall rejections. everything changes. life is so malleable, so it’s like well Trey why don’t you change the way your life is going..
el. oh. el. maybe it’ll just get better once i’m not here. we’ll see.
- DD3
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