relationships. love. kids, marriage. all of it feels like foreign concepts to me. things that i feel like i should have full knowledge and awareness of, but yet i feel like i have next to nothing to say about how i feel about these things. nothing at all. i look at people close to me finding people to share time with and sometimes get jealous... but only sometimes. i don’t really feel like i’ll ever know everything i need to know about those things. and the things i know right now are enough to tell me that none of those things feel like they’re my strongest suits. at all. for a long ass time, i’ve had trouble coming to grips with the fact that i have trouble with stepping out of comfort zones. putting myself out there. risking getting hurt for the sake of someone to have next to me for the rest of my life because that’s what we’re taught as kids. as you grow up, you have to do XYZ in order to become successful, to be well-liked, to have something to your name, to leave a legacy... to be a man. and a lot of times i don’t feel like i really know what that entails. 27 years old, soon to be 28... and still not knowing how to navigate the world and be his own man. or what he feels his own man should be. fitting the mold of what i’m supposed to be. managing to make it to see another year (knocks on wood) without something catastrophic happening. i’m sorry if reading this confuses anyone or makes something feel off putting. a lot of the times, i feel like my thoughts are just ramblings. i don’t know.
- TG3
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